Hope I’m thinking too much. And I just got to dream of you WHY
Team
I feel so sad recently, so sad. But I don’t know the real reason behind this sadness, I just know that I need to get over this soon.
Yesterday was the first and also the last carnival for the J2s, however it was disappointing. I didn’t get to play much, and the mates I played with, I just can’t make myself feel right playing with them. Not that I look down on us, its that I lost the feelings I once had for netball. The passion the love the hunger I feel for this sport is no longer the same. Now, it’s probably more like a liability to me.
This few days my head was filled with netball and nothing else. I want to feel for this sport once again, but it seems like I can’t, and it’s really depressing. The sport that I love so much, I’m losing it.
Though my team made it into top 6 in the carnival, this won’t come if without the withdrawals of strong teams. Count us lucky to even make it into the second round. All this while, I’m thinking if I should give up on netball and really focus on my studies, but I can’t bear it, the people I loved, whom shared the same hard-work and sweat, we have came so far and they made this journey worthwhile. So how could I bear to leave them, I can’t. That’s why I persevered, endured and trained hard because they are the ones who cheered on me and pulled me along.
Yet, life is a bitch and it won’t let things go in the way you want it to be. Suddenly everything just got fucked up really bad and starts falling apart.
One thing that I learnt from this shit is that, winning and losing isn’t everything. Playing happily and enjoying yourself to the fullest with your team mates is what really matters.
I really do love my team. Never had I once regret knowing them, they bring light to the boring school days. Even though I made it into the main team, but I’m just a freaking reserve who won’t get to play at all, I only will deserve a beautiful testimonial that will state I played for the school which in actual fact I fucking didn’t.
Should I be happy I am a reserve? Why is it that I am not happy at all.
Hard work don’t always pay off, efforts don’t always get recognize. And I don’t need to prove myself to people who can’t see how hard I tried.
Or maybe I’m just not good enough. I was never good enough, no matter how hard I tried to make myself better.
Life sucks, once again.
Love
Its been so long tumblr, missed you.
Training today was.. quite bad actually. But in the end everybody was happy because it’s TanJi’s birthday ^^ Hehe cute girl was happy and surprised. Ate the same cake we had from last year, it’s still so nice.
Been so stressful lately, common tests and netball, both are important to me an things that I held dearly onto. But somehow someday, I feel like I had to make a choice, to choose between my studies and netball.
Was separated from most of the J2s by the groupings, felt so sad and depressed, almost cried. Sigh, I don’t know what to feel, sad over the fact that I didn’t make it to the better team or sad over the fact that J2s are not playing together.
Sigh, I miss Amirah :’( and I miss us more. Life sucks.
The trip was awesome, so proud of my girls for the matches we played :’) Love everyone of them so much.
I LOVE MY TEAM SO MUCH
Malacca trip in the coming month can’t wait!! My first trip with the J2s and the adorable J1s hehehe. Loving netball more and more so lucky to have joined this cca. Awesome netballers let’s go!!
My girls rock or rock uh
